Nothing too profound

So, I may not know exactly what or who I believe in at this time (religiously speaking) but I do know this:

Peace

Love

Compassion

Tolerance

Equality

Are all necessary.

Celebrating another year with the Shlut!

Happy Birthday, Latesa!

Hope you had a fun, fun time with everyone! I love you so very much, and I wish every happiness for you! I'm so glad we met three and a half years ago. Sooo much has happened between then and now! I feel so lucky to have you in my life, and I consider you to be one of my very best friends. You've been there for me countless times--through the good and the bad. Thanks so much, and have a happy 22nd year!!

<3

Rumi-fied.

"Five Things"

I have five things to say,
five fingers to give into your grace.

First, when I was apart from you,
this world did not exist, nor any other.

Second, whatever I was looking for
was always you.

Third, why did I ever learn to count to three?

Fourth, my cornfield is burning!

Fifth, this finger stands for Rabia,*
and this is for someone else.
Is there a difference?

*Rabia was the woman mystic from Basara who said that a love for God should not come out of fear or hope, but in response to the beauty in the heart.

I especially identify with the red lines for a variety of reasons at this point in my life.

Isms Floating through my Brain.

Buddhism
Jainism
Vegetarianism

"Come in to my world, I've got to show, show, show you."

Welcome my mind.

It's a very, very messy place these days, just to warn you.

Yesterday I had filial respect and responsibility on my mind. In China, respecting one's parents is the most important task a child has. Everything he or she does must be with regard to them. When Buddhism first entered the picture in China in the 1st Century CE, people had problems with it because it required one at the very least acknowledge the sangha if not join it. This took the firstborn son from the parents, and people worried that it was interfering with the filial respect. However, eventually, it became an honor.

Then, of course there is the Commandment that declares people must "honor thy father and mother."

Respect for parents is such a huge theme in religions; it is necessary for the soul to reach enlightenment. What happens then, when you have no respect for a parent (except the basic respect that you have for any other human being)? I hope that in time I will forgive and have compassion for my father, but what if that never happens? What if I'm not strong enough? Am I destined to the fiery pits of hell or to never leave the endless cycles of samsara?

Anyway, that was yesterday. Today, however, is another day. Today I've been thinking about vegetarianism. This is not a new thought for me. I entertain it every few months or so. Currently, I eat dairy, poultry, and fish. I haven't eaten red meat or pork in years (6+) and I am not tempted to in the least. I know I'm strong enough to do this. I should just go ahead and take the plunge. It will be difficult for a few months, but nothing I can't handle.

Ok, moving on.

Buddhism. I really, really love it so much. Apparently Dr. Ess calls himself a Buddhist-Methodist...perhaps I should chat with him...?

Jainism. I stumbled across this while I was looking at vegetarianism. It's interesting, and I highly recommend that you look it up on Wikipedia.

Quick things going through my head. Much to mull.

I need another Rumi poetry book.

Pale sunlight,
pale the wall.


Love moves away.
The light changes.


I need more grace
than I thought.


-Rumi

I'm not quite sure what to do. I feel as though I'm hanging in limbo. I don't know what to reach for, what to cling to, what to release, what to bury. I'm not sad or depressed; I'm not satisfied. But, I'm okay with that for now.

Hmmm....

Sometimes I think I might be defective.

The Letter I Will Never Send

Dear _______,

I just want you to know how much you have hurt me. You have lied to me, manipulated me, made me feel like shit, and made me feel guilty for things that were beyond my control. You have toyed with my emotions. Although you have been supportive (when it's convenient for you), you have also let me fall when I've needed you the most.

I should be able to count on you, and it breaks my heart to know that I cannot.

I can't imagine how different my life would be, how different I would be, if we had stayed. I can only imagine that it would have been hell. Although I was angry and upset at the time, I have since learned that it was not a healthy environment.

I can't believe anything you say, and I can't think that anything you do has an ounce of altruism in it. You don't truly care about anyone but yourself. What a sad and lonely life it must be. I suppose someday, after I have forgiven you, I will feel sorry for you. However, right now, I cringe at the thought of even seeing you, of putting on the charade that everything is okay, and that we have a tolerable relationship.

If you really think that we do, you have to be fooling yourself. There is only one reason that I have for not completely cutting you out of my life. One, single thread holds us together, and fortunately for you, it is a strong thread. Every time I say that I want to cut you out, this amazingly wonderful person talks me out of it. It would really surprise you if you knew who it was.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how much you have hurt me. I know that you are able to twist everything around so that you aren't held responsible. I wish I knew how you could sleep at night; I truly do.

Unfortunately, I have to end this with I love you...because I do. Despite everything you have done...or haven't done.

From the Sociology Book

The chapter I am presenting for my Intro to Sociology (go ahead, snicker) class is Religion (fitting, right?). This was in the introduction, and it really struck a chord with me:

"Religion can be the greatest thing on earth or the worst. It can be the greatest healing therapy in society, or the greatest hazard to a society's health. It can be a democratic republic's greatest good or its worst threat.

Look at the hot spots of the earth and you see religious extremists lighting the fuses--whether in Northern Ireland, Israel, Bosnia, or California. Religious extremists are breeding all kinds of "culture wars." Religion can breed all kinds of harassment, bigotry, prejudice, intolerance and deception.

Religion is peculiar. When it is not in earnest, it doesn't hurt anyone, but it doesn't do any good either. When it is in earnest, it is a most powerful force for good or evil....We Christians must face up to the fact that our Christianity has propagated, in the name of Jesus, devilish acts, bloody wars, awful persecutions, hate crimes, and political chaos...."

This is an excerpt from a sermon by Robert H. Meneilly when he was the senior pastor of the Village Presbyterian Church in Prairie Village, Kansas.

I want to hear the rest of it.

Perhaps one of our best exchanges ever!

L: Why doesn't anyone believe in random sex anymore?
Me: I don't know...it's a dying art.

I'm not struggling

Last week, I was in the car with a friend of mine, and we began talking about religion (probably because I mentioned that I was taking Buddhism...) Anyway, he asked if I had ever gone through a spiritual crisis.

After thinking about it for a few minutes, I replied that I hadn't but that I had changed (grown?) a lot spiritually (although, I suppose that some people would say that I have moved backwards). When I first came to college, I proudly called myself a Christian. Don't get me wrong, I was completely tolerant of other religions and accepted their validity, but I knew that in order to have eternal life, I would have to accept Christ.

I grew up Methodist, and my entire family is extremely open-minded and accepting of other religions as well. Both of these things have helped me along my spiritual journey. Now, I don't know what I consider myself. I still agree with the teachings of Jesus, but a core part of Christianity is the exclusivity of it. In order to reach Heaven or to be pardoned by God, one must accept Jesus as the Son of God. Not everyone is comfortable with that, and I cannot believe that eternal damnation is in store for all of the people of other religions/spiritual leanings.

Ghandi believed that everyone is going towards the same goal--climbing the same mountain so to speak. How we get to the top (Truth?) just dependent on our cultures and beliefs. There's no right or wrong way to approach it as long as you try.

It's Unfortunate

that I can't get you off my mind.

Anticipation

Waiting to see if all of our efforts will be rewarded.

Hopefully the majority is ready for a change.

I believe that it is.

---------edit---------

OBAMA WON!!!! HE IS OUR NEXT PRESIDENT!!!

I Believe

I believe in this man. I believe in the change and hope his becoming President will bring. I believe that he will make a difference.

Please vote tomorrow, November 4.

When the world turns golden

Generally, I cannot say that I am a huge fan of fall. I like the changing colors, the crisp air, the crunch of leaves beneath my feet. However, I do not like that it is a precursor to winter (although I have learned to find beauty in that season as well).

The past few days have been so lovely and perfect--how could someone dislike fall?!

Obama

After volunteering for 5ish hours, we got to see...

BARACK OBAMA!!

It was exhilarating!

Untitled Rumi

You are an ocean in a drop of dew,
all the universes in a thin sack

of blood! What are these pleasures
then, these joys, these worlds,

that you keep reaching for, hoping
they will make you more alive?

The Change We Need.

This is my t-shirt that we made Monday night with SFBO. I can't wait to see him in office. We need him if our country has any hopes of climbing out of the hole that we've been digging for the past eight years.

Vote November 4. Vote for change.

There's really nothing quite like it.

There's nothing quite like having a good conversation with a friend over fondue (and drinks...and cake)

I had fun tonight. We should do this more often.

It's been a long time!

I'm not posting anything deep and meaningful, so you may want to move on. :)

What's been going on:

I bought Rumi: the book of love, and I haven't had time to read/reflect on anything, unfortunately.

I may have burned a bridge that was already pretty rickety, but I don't think it was worth rebuilding or maintaining. Is that bad?

I have a confession: I am thoroughly enjoying the book that my global futures class is reading, The World is Flat. How weird is that?! haha

I am so ready for the semester to be over! I'm ready to travel, to be home, to work, to swim, to be away.

That's all I've got for now, I'm sorry! :)

Just a Pondering or Two

I'm currently reading Eat, Pray, and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/eatpraylove.htm). So far, it is an excellent book!

Anyway, in the first part, Gilbert is describing time when she was questioning why she was married to her husband. Every night, after he was asleep, she would go into the bathroom and cry. During one of these sessions, she hears God speak to her for the first time. After painting this scene, she goes on to describe how she views God. This is the part that really grabbed me.

"And while I do love that great teacher of peace who was called Jesus, and while I do reserve the right to ask myself in certain trying situations what indeed He would do, I can't swallow that one fixed rule of Christianity insisting that Christ is the only path to God."

Ok, so that is established. I completely agree with that. Spirituality is personal; therefore, each person experiences it differently.

But, here is my favorite part:

"God is an experience of supreme love."

That's just fantastic! I whole-heartedly agree!