I need another Rumi poetry book.

Pale sunlight,
pale the wall.


Love moves away.
The light changes.


I need more grace
than I thought.


-Rumi

I'm not quite sure what to do. I feel as though I'm hanging in limbo. I don't know what to reach for, what to cling to, what to release, what to bury. I'm not sad or depressed; I'm not satisfied. But, I'm okay with that for now.

Hmmm....

Sometimes I think I might be defective.

The Letter I Will Never Send

Dear _______,

I just want you to know how much you have hurt me. You have lied to me, manipulated me, made me feel like shit, and made me feel guilty for things that were beyond my control. You have toyed with my emotions. Although you have been supportive (when it's convenient for you), you have also let me fall when I've needed you the most.

I should be able to count on you, and it breaks my heart to know that I cannot.

I can't imagine how different my life would be, how different I would be, if we had stayed. I can only imagine that it would have been hell. Although I was angry and upset at the time, I have since learned that it was not a healthy environment.

I can't believe anything you say, and I can't think that anything you do has an ounce of altruism in it. You don't truly care about anyone but yourself. What a sad and lonely life it must be. I suppose someday, after I have forgiven you, I will feel sorry for you. However, right now, I cringe at the thought of even seeing you, of putting on the charade that everything is okay, and that we have a tolerable relationship.

If you really think that we do, you have to be fooling yourself. There is only one reason that I have for not completely cutting you out of my life. One, single thread holds us together, and fortunately for you, it is a strong thread. Every time I say that I want to cut you out, this amazingly wonderful person talks me out of it. It would really surprise you if you knew who it was.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how much you have hurt me. I know that you are able to twist everything around so that you aren't held responsible. I wish I knew how you could sleep at night; I truly do.

Unfortunately, I have to end this with I love you...because I do. Despite everything you have done...or haven't done.

From the Sociology Book

The chapter I am presenting for my Intro to Sociology (go ahead, snicker) class is Religion (fitting, right?). This was in the introduction, and it really struck a chord with me:

"Religion can be the greatest thing on earth or the worst. It can be the greatest healing therapy in society, or the greatest hazard to a society's health. It can be a democratic republic's greatest good or its worst threat.

Look at the hot spots of the earth and you see religious extremists lighting the fuses--whether in Northern Ireland, Israel, Bosnia, or California. Religious extremists are breeding all kinds of "culture wars." Religion can breed all kinds of harassment, bigotry, prejudice, intolerance and deception.

Religion is peculiar. When it is not in earnest, it doesn't hurt anyone, but it doesn't do any good either. When it is in earnest, it is a most powerful force for good or evil....We Christians must face up to the fact that our Christianity has propagated, in the name of Jesus, devilish acts, bloody wars, awful persecutions, hate crimes, and political chaos...."

This is an excerpt from a sermon by Robert H. Meneilly when he was the senior pastor of the Village Presbyterian Church in Prairie Village, Kansas.

I want to hear the rest of it.

Perhaps one of our best exchanges ever!

L: Why doesn't anyone believe in random sex anymore?
Me: I don't know...it's a dying art.

I'm not struggling

Last week, I was in the car with a friend of mine, and we began talking about religion (probably because I mentioned that I was taking Buddhism...) Anyway, he asked if I had ever gone through a spiritual crisis.

After thinking about it for a few minutes, I replied that I hadn't but that I had changed (grown?) a lot spiritually (although, I suppose that some people would say that I have moved backwards). When I first came to college, I proudly called myself a Christian. Don't get me wrong, I was completely tolerant of other religions and accepted their validity, but I knew that in order to have eternal life, I would have to accept Christ.

I grew up Methodist, and my entire family is extremely open-minded and accepting of other religions as well. Both of these things have helped me along my spiritual journey. Now, I don't know what I consider myself. I still agree with the teachings of Jesus, but a core part of Christianity is the exclusivity of it. In order to reach Heaven or to be pardoned by God, one must accept Jesus as the Son of God. Not everyone is comfortable with that, and I cannot believe that eternal damnation is in store for all of the people of other religions/spiritual leanings.

Ghandi believed that everyone is going towards the same goal--climbing the same mountain so to speak. How we get to the top (Truth?) just dependent on our cultures and beliefs. There's no right or wrong way to approach it as long as you try.

It's Unfortunate

that I can't get you off my mind.

Anticipation

Waiting to see if all of our efforts will be rewarded.

Hopefully the majority is ready for a change.

I believe that it is.

---------edit---------

OBAMA WON!!!! HE IS OUR NEXT PRESIDENT!!!

I Believe

I believe in this man. I believe in the change and hope his becoming President will bring. I believe that he will make a difference.

Please vote tomorrow, November 4.

When the world turns golden

Generally, I cannot say that I am a huge fan of fall. I like the changing colors, the crisp air, the crunch of leaves beneath my feet. However, I do not like that it is a precursor to winter (although I have learned to find beauty in that season as well).

The past few days have been so lovely and perfect--how could someone dislike fall?!

Obama

After volunteering for 5ish hours, we got to see...

BARACK OBAMA!!

It was exhilarating!