I Prefer the Fresher Air

One time
We were
In passing
I watched
The future
Swirling 'round, around my head
And this is how it went

You and I both alone sat
Waiting in lines too long to comprehend
We both sat waiting in lines
For the rest of our lives

You-whooo-ooooh

Forever and after we went on forever

One time
You were
Inhaling
I saw
The smoke went
Whirling 'round your heedless head
You bore me to my death

You and I both alone sat
Waiting in lines too long to comprehend
We both sat waiting in lines
For the rest of our lives

You-whooo-ooooh

Forever and after we went on forever

I prefer to sleep alone
I prefer to stay right here
Don't come searching
I prefer the windows up
I prefer the fresher air
And for the record

You-whooo-ooooh

Forever and after we went on forever
And after we went on forever
And after we went on forever

Thanksgiving: 2009 Version

My Thanksgiving:

• lots of cooking and baking with my sister acting as a sous chef
• delicious food
  
• mailing out graduation announcements
• discussing the future
• chatting with mom
• playing football with Jake, Abe, and Conner
• looking at my grandparents' pictures of Italy
• huge birthday party for Maggie and Jackson
• heart-to-hearts with my sister
• successfully avoiding the awkwardness/awfulness of Jeff's and what's-her-name's Thanksgiving
• chilling with my aunt
• talking to Jake about his new major--Explosives

I had a great couple of days at home! This break rejuvenated me (I hope) so that the last couple of weeks before graduation won't be pure hell.

Dear Body,

Please stop hurting. It's been approximately six weeks, and I'm tired of this. I would really appreciate it if you could just fight this.

Thanks,
Ashley

Post-Halloween Costume Parties, Beautiful Weather, Lots of Photography, Oh My!

It was just a cowbell kind of weekend.

What's Your Type?

When I drink beer, I prefer Blue Moon. Here's what that says about me:

The personality traits of people who prefer Blue Moon, a Belgian style wheat beer, tracked similarly to the same type of people who prefer craft beers—which means Blue Moon drinkers probably don't know it's a Molson Coors Brewing Co. family product made in Colorado.

Blue Moonies are socially liberal and usually quite willing to go against convention. They really hate moral authorities, and believe children should be exposed to moral dilemmas and allowed to come to their own conclusions. They can also be sarcastic and snide in order to get a point across.

People who drink Blue Moon beer are 105% more likely than the average person to drive hybrid cars, 77% more likely to own Apple Mac laptops, 65% more likely to purchase five pairs or more of sneakers every year, and 32% more likely to not be registered voters.

What does your beer say about you?

I Had a Dream Last Night

Dreams are so weird.

The Merriam-Webster defines dreams as "a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep." Dreams can reveal hidden desires and fears. Current worries and frustrations can be worked out through dreams. One could also dream of parading through an underwater town on the back of a green, pink, and orange elephant (I'm going to assume that this can't really happen...).

Dreams are limited only by our imaginations and subconscious.

So long ago
Was it in a dream, was it just a dream?
I know, yes I know
Seemed so very real, it seemed so real to me
Took a walk down the street
Thru the heat whispered trees
I thought I could hear
Somebody call out my name as it started to rain
Two spirits dancing so strange
Ah! böwakawa poussé, poussé

Dream, dream away
Magic in the air, was magic in the air?
I believe, yes I believe
More I cannot say, what more can I say?
On a river of sound
Thru the mirror go round, round
I thought I could feel Music touching my soul, something warm, sudden cold
The spirit dance was unfolding
Ah! böwakawa poussé, poussé

Go Figure

Tonight, I went to bed at the decent time of 10:00 pm. I figured I needed as much sleep as I could possibly get to avoid getting sick.

At 10:30, my mom called to chat.
At 11.30, my brother called to chat.

Really?

Hahaha. Go figure.

"I'm on the verge, I'm on the verge"

First, the bad:

• Feeling useless
• Feeling like I'm wasting my time
• Having a professor bark orders at the class for three straight hours
• Cold, drizzly weather
• My drawing (haha)

I'm on the verge, I'm on the verge

Unraveling with every word

Now, the good:

• Hot soup
• Roomie time in the middle of the hallway
• Today is finished
• Snuggling with StellzBellz
• Jack's Mannequin

There was nothing ugly today.

Tomorrow is Tuesday. Thank God.

"Go on, go on, go on, the stars are watching"

Wow, it is already October! Where has the time gone? I finally admitted that I actually love fall. While I still loathe winter, I no longer claim to hate the its precursor. I love drinking obscene amounts of hot tea; I love snuggling down underneath toasty warm blankets; I love wearing hoodies; I love opening my windows to smell the crisp, clean air; I love walking around on a crisp fall evening.

Time is flying right by, and I don't feel prepared to face the [very near] future. In about 2.5 months, L and I will graduate!!! Yay! But, what am I going to do then? I will lose my job at that point, so I really need to start thinking about what to do next. I was kind of hoping that my internship would turn into something, but right now it don't have the client base to provide the income they would need to have extra people working for it.

Look at you

Kicking off your shoes,

Dancing for the world to see,

You got the power to believe,

Open up and see,

and I’ll be free and fly away

Last Friday, I made a quick trip to the Lake. It had been a really rough week for my mom, so I wanted to spend some time with her. While I was at the Lake, I saw my sister perform in the marching band, I hung out with my grandparents, and I saw my dad for the first time since....Father's day? I also officially met his girlfriend (although I can't remember her name...Deanne maybe?) She seems really nice, though. They are coming here tomorrow to take me out to dinner--hopefully I'll get to know her a little better.

Amber is getting married next week! Last night was her bachelorette party, and it was so much fun! I got to reconnect with a couple of girls from high school, and I met a few other really awesome girls. We called our waiter "Tight Buns" and drank out of straws shaped like penises. I think that pretty much describes the evening. I'm so happy for Josh and Amber; they've already been together the better part of a decade, but it's exciting nonetheless!

Oh, the moon is awesome tonight! It's huge!

Tugged the moon into the ground...

Pitterpat, the angel on my shoulder

Is haunting me tonight

Tick tock, the clock is getting louder

Ready for me to decide

Things Change in the Morning Rain

It feels like fall. I think summer has officially said goodbye.

I have to admit that I found the pouring rain that we had yesterday very comforting. Or, maybe I just found the fact that I was able to stay inside and drink hot tea comforting. Either way, I was feeling something akin to bliss.

These past few weeks have been busy. I finally found an internship, and I think it's going to be a perfect match for me! The company is UPsidEo, and I am going to be creating their brand image. It is a new organization, and they currently have nothing in place as far a logo goes. I get to start with a completely blank slate! In addition to establishing its image, I'm also going to progress its social networking: create more of a presence on Twitter, Facebook, establish blogs for both UPsidEo and it's non-profit partner, Living Green Network. I think that the owners have so much to offer, and I'm glad to be working on such a socially/environmentally/globally conscious venture.

Last week I finally had a conversation with my father. I hadn't spoken to him in about two months. At least once a day I would think of him and want to throw up. I was so angry, hurt, and disappointed that I was starting to obsess over it. I didn't want to have anything to do with him, and after I heard about Isaac, I was ready to never speak to him again.

But, at the same time, I was worried about him. Talk about maddening. I decided to call on Tuesday. I came home from class, cleaned, changed my sheets, started laundry, dialed his number, hung up, started fixing dinner, did some more laundry, took a deep breath, and then dialed again. We talked for 45 minutes. I got to clear the air; I told him my frustrations and about how he hurt me. He apologized and said that he wanted to work to fix our currently nonexistent relationship.

I've heard this before, so I'm not too quick to believe him, but at least I feel more at peace. I don't have anger festering in me. I said what I needed to say, and now the ball's in his court.

It's unbelievable how much better I sleep now.

Oh, Johann

The great Johann Gutenberg (you know, the guy who invented the printing press) was a womanzier. Apparently, in his younger years, he threw great parties and drank booze constantly. He was quite the "boy about town" according to Garvin.

Stud.

Do the nice guys really finish last?

Tonight, I was reading the Le Love blog (which you should probably check out), and it had an interesting take on the "nice guy." You know, the guy who is always there for you. The post described the nice guy as someone who is basically a pansy. He's too afraid of rejection to go from giving you a shoulder to cry on to giving you kiss that makes you forget about what you were even crying about in the first place. He's worried that, in trying to sweep you off your feet, he's going to sweep you right out of his life since all you wanted was friendship.

I had a conversation with R a few months ago about why we girls tend to go for the bad boy when the good guy is waiting in the wings. I told him that the bad boy's draw was his air of mystery, the hint of danger, and the excitement of breaking the "rules."

His response: "Psh, I can be dangerous."

No. No, you can't. But, eventually, once a girl gets the bad boy out of her system, she'll need the good guy again, and then he'll have the chance to make his move.

I that I pretty much just rambled during this post and that it probably didn't make much sense. Sorry about that. Haha! Have a good week!

Let's Try This Again

So, the first post I tried to make tonight was just extremely bitter. I decided to not subject you readers to that.

Instead, I will say that today was the perfect day to be driving to and from the Lake. It was so gorgeous outside!

It Hit Me Fast

Oy. Deja vu, please go away. kthxbai.

Just when you think you're in control,
just when you think you've got a hold,
just when you get on a roll,
here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.
Oh, here it goes again.
I should have known,
should have known,
should have known again,
but here it goes again.
Oh, here it goes again.

"Sometimes I hate hard science. I know that doesn't make any sense, but that's just how I feel"

Today was the first day of class. Woot. It feels a little strange to still be there, but at the same time, it's very comfortable. I went to work, had lunch with Linz, sat outside and listened to music, and went to class. It was good.

I have an interview for an internship sometime early next week - keep your fingers crossed! If this doesn't work out, I'm not sure what I'll do...

I feel like I need massive amounts of chocolate.
Where, oh where did my summer go?

A Creepy Little Tale

When I arrived at work yesterday morning, I went to my desk, sat my purse down, turned around to turn my computer on and saw....

a snack size bag of potato chips that had an apple in it (but no potato chips).

I thought that the people I work with may have left it on my desk as a joke until one of the girls I asked (rather incredulously) if I had eaten the bag of chips. I had not.

Then, the other girl went back to her desk and noticed that her water cup was filled...

she had finished the day before.

My water bottle that was filled to the brim was half empty.

It's a little creepy to say the least....

Men ARE from Mars

Brett: yeah, that's how guys are though, Ashley stupid STUPID!

me: I KNOW! what is with you guys, anyway????

Brett: one word: Testosterone

me: that is NO excuse.

Brett: also we're sex hungry and afraid of limiting ourselves too earlybiological, etc. drive to "SPREAD the seed"means not finding one person instantly and being a love bird

me: ridiculous.

Brett: what kind of biodiversity would that bring?

me: I'm just saying, guys miss out on some great opportunities by being stupid.

Brett: no kidding

me: haha.

Brett: we know it too (at least eventually) but the anxiety attack is pretty strong

me: you know, brett, you are pretty evolved for a guy.

Brett: I'll tell you, committing to Micah as only the second girl I've really DATED was hard I didn't want to be out of the race so early but I used my brain and my heart to tag-team beat my primitive brain so it worked out and we're still happy no guy screw-up but it WAS hard. in conclusion, guys are stupid, we know this, and we live with it as best we can

"Come on, it's time for something biblical"

Abe turned 12 this weekend, and it's Jake's last week at home before he moves to college. I feel so old! Good things about this weekend:

• I love boating, and we ended up going to The Fish for dinner. All 15 of us.
• New cell phone!
• Drinking shots of whiskey with my brother. This morning. After church.
• Family time / birthday party for my aunt and brother.
• Lots of swimming and sunshine.

I realize that I probably drink more (at one time) when I go home than I do here.

Weird.

Bah!

I just had a conversation with someone about religion, and she bascially told me that I didn't know what I was talking about and that, because I'm young, what I think is not valid. She told me that my entire set of ideologies is going to change completely, and that I "may think I know everything now, but when I'm older I'll see how wrong I was."

Then she said that she wasn't going to lie and say that she understood some religious practices, thus implying that I was lying.

I furiously texted my go-to person when I feel the need to debate something, and he both comforted me and then rephrased her explanations in a way that made me feel much more comfortable with the situation.

Then, with a quick joke and a laugh, I was better.

I Saw Booker Yesterday

I want to take pictures. But, I'm tired of the scenery that's around me. I need to immerse my self in a different setting for a little while.

If only I had the time. Meh.

Do You Have a Twin You Don't Know About?

Me: And, omg, your twin is here.
R: I'm confused. Who is my twin?
Me: Dwight B.
R: I have no idea who that is.
Me: He's your twin.

And that was that.

Because the Wind is High, It Blows My Mind

Today was a wonderful "Me" Day! I baked, watched Lifetime movies, did laundry, cuddled with Stellz Bellz, relaxed, had a long conversation (via texting) that covered topics from blowing smoke rings to the crazy sheriff in Arizona to MIB to 3OH!3, was asked by a random guy in WalMart to help pick out his bedding, and rocked out to The Beatles.

It was very satisfying, and I feel like I'm ready for the upcoming week.

It Was the Era of Backstreet Boys and Nsync

I just had an intense flashback from when I was 13 (a decade ago!!).
It included the following:

• A trip with my church youth group
• Realizing, for the first time, that it is not uncommon for couples to cheat on each other
• Becoming aware that I was not helping the above situation at all
• A hotel room
• A movie
• An 18 year old boy in my bed
• Being extremely uncomfortable
• Being happy that my mom decided to chaperone this particular trip

Oh, the days of youth.

Breathe In, Breathe Out: I Need a Mantra

I need to focus on the good things that are happening around me so that I don't slip into a funk. If I get in too deep, I don't think I'll be able to crawl out of the dark hole. So, instead I will push those thoughts off into some corner of my mind that I will unlock eventually. Rather than focusing on my feelings of inadequacy, anger, and sadness, I will think happy thoughts and make it through the day.

I Blamed Dr. Esposito for this, and She Said, "Thank you! I accept full responsiblity!"

I read another book by Albert Camus.

Apparently, I didn't ease into his books like I should have...I went straight from The Fall to The Stranger in which Camus explores what he termed, "the naked ness of man faced with the absurd."

Here's just a quick excerpt from the book:

He said that he had peered into it and that he had found nothing, gentlemen of the jury. He said the truth was that I didn't have a soul and that nothing human, not one of the moral principles that governm men's hearts, was within my reach. "Of course," he added, "we cannot blame him for this. We cannot complain that he lacks what it was not in his power to acquire. But here in this court the wholly negative virtue of tolerance must give way to the sterner but loftier virtue of justice. Especially when the emptiness of a man's heart becomes, as we find it has in this man, an abyss threatening to swallow up society.

If that doesn't cheer you up, I don't know what will...Haha!
Have a great week!

"Your day must have been better than mine; I broke my ankle."

Well, suck it up, and stop being such a dumbass.

I know he's not a happy person; I know that he's very lonely most of the time. I also know that all of this is his own doing and that I will never ever feel bad for him. The people who could help totally see him as an upstanding and amiable citizen.

I'm bitter right now, but I'll be better in the morning.

And, I'll be great when I'm through with him.

This Could be a Good Thing.

But, I don't want to jinx it.

In other news: what a beautiful day!! It's going to be a great weekend! :)

Currently Waiting on Banana Bread to Come Out of the Oven

I wish it would storm right now. I feel like flashes of lightning, cracks of thunder, and pouring rain would be good for my psyche.

My domestic side is feeling especially ambitious this afternoon as I am currently baking an experimental banana bread (I took the original recipe and added some twists), and I'm going to be making a pizza tonight for dinner. I made an oregano/basil crust, and I'm using tomatoes marinated in olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic for the sauce. The toppings are artichoke hearts, black olives, red onion, mushrooms, and fresh mozzerella. It's going to be so delicious! The girls I work with have inspired me to become more creative with my cooking as well as using better and fresher ingredients. It's pretty exciting! Right now, the actions of baking are soothing to me.

I need to be careful where I tip-toe. I'm dancing dangerously close to a line. If that line gets crossed, there will be no turning back.

Sometimes, Words are Too Much

Look at this first:

http://www.daniellecorsetto.com/gws.html

The best friendship question ever: advice or sympathy.

Sometimes we are too quick to shell out advice. I know I want to try to help when a friend is in need; I want to try to fix the problem.

It's important to remember that people sometimes just need a shoulder to lean on and someone to hold their hand while they work through a problem.

I know I need to keep this in mind.

Visiting the 65020

beautiful drive - winding roads - a kitten, a goose, and a fawn - long talks at the dinner table - bunking with Maggie since I still don't have a new bed - shopping during the busiest weekend at the Lake - driving around, trying to find a new umbrella for the picnic table (and realizing that there is exactly 1 remaining in Camden and Miller counties) - boat rides - Grandparents thinking that Lady Gaga is "Jivey" - realizing that all of the pens I use on a regular basis are from drug reps - learning how to sign the word "enthusiasm" in ASL - adopting Maggie's new found philosophy of "you can be right or you can be happy" - playing with Val's huge dog that comes up to my hip - long drives with Jake - being stressed out and frustrated beyond belief - watching a fireworks show compete with lightning (and failing miserably) - getting "pulled over" by the boat patrol only to realize that the man is BFFs with everyone on the boat - creating a dessert by dipping a spoon into peanut butter, then into dark chocolate chips, and then into coconut - taking some kickass photos - getting a few fabulous new shirts - exploring new highways - having an intense craving for Chinese food at 10:30 AM during church - being encouraged by the preacher to text/tweet during the service - working a sound board - laying on blankets in the grass - reaffirming my awe of people who can sign in ASL fluently - learning that AM wants to move to Korea within the next year to teach - "We stand in an unbroken line of splendor" - having Jake ask me if my biological clock was "tocking" yet - being extremely uncomfortable of the fact that my ovaries and uterus were a topic of discussion for such a long time - successfully avoided all contact with Jeff (I've decided that sperm donor is too cold) - leaving Stellz for the first time - missing LinzMarieStellz - feeling hurt and confused - being tired of the drama and selfishness - enjoying nature - celebrating my great-grandmother's 91st birthday - spending lots of quality time with family

I've Got the Theme Song from "American Tale" Stuck in my Head

So, I think I have a game plan for the next couple of years. And, by "I think," I mean "I'm 80% sure this is actually going to happen."

I'm seriously thinking about getting a Masters degree in Communications. I would probably focus on Public Relations, but I'm not for sure about that just yet. I've had probably 12-16 hours of COMM courses, and I do really enjoy them. Plus, continuing my education like this will definitely make me more marketable. I talked to my Mom about it today, and she likes the idea too (and she likes that I'm so excited about it).

The only thing is actually paying for it...

Ideally, here's how this would play out: I would apply for one of the many positions available at DU. I would be loved and adored and hired in December to start my full-time position. In return, I would receive Tuition Remission meaning that I wouldn't have to pay anything for my Masters degree.

Ta-Da!

But, even if that doesn't pan out, I'm pretty sure I'm going to stick with this decision.

<3

Good Things About Today

• It's Friday, which means the weekend is here!!
• Getting a surprise visit from Jake!
• Bonding time with the girls at work (which means ogling hot actors online and talking about who would be on the top of our "To Do" list).
• Delicious dinner at the Rendezvous with Marie.
• Watching Gran Torino later.

I'm definitely looking forward to having a couple of days off from work!

The Fallen Interlude

Down, down, down.
Pick me up, i'm falling

This is a Huge Plus

He makes me laugh.




PS: Marie just licked my arm.

Every Now and Then

Even though we're really close now, sometimes I worry that Jake and I will grow apart, just because we are so different. We have completely different ideologies, interests, and goals. We don't fight or argue, just sometimes I worry that we'll drift apart.

But then, on days like today, I know that we will be just fine--we will remain close and our bond will stay tight.

This morning, my car wouldn't start. After I arrived at work (thanks again, M!), I talked to my mom, had a breakdown, drank espresso, and then started on my day. I pushed the car--as well as the many (non-vehicle) troubles associated with it--into the corner of my mind so that I could function. Nothing reduces me to tears faster than a car malfunction.

This evening, when I got off work, I tried my car again, and it worked!! Woot! However, I was still a little worried about why it didn't start the first time, so I called the person that I know who is the most familiar with fixing cars: my brother, Jake. After the initial, "what went wrong/what did it sound like" discussion (after which, he determined that the starter relay was malfunctioning), the conversation went something like this:

Jake: Do you have a friend down there who is capable of fixing it?
Me: No, but I have a place I can take it to.
Jake: If you want to wait a few days, I'll fix it for you.
Me (knowing that he was getting ready to see a movie with Valerie): I don't really want to take a chance on it breaking down while I'm out and about...I wish you could come down here and fix it for me...
Jake: Me too, because I want it done right so that you're safe...Wait! You could come up tonight and just stay home for the rest of the week, because I miss you! Then, we could hang out and I could fix it for you!

Awwww! My brother is top notch. I kinda like the kid!

Spinich Artichoke Dip Makes Me Contemplative

The summer goes on and then dies quick without much warning

Am I missing out on something great by not being honest about my feelings? Or, is this just the way it's supposed to be? I'm not going to be in this place forever, and I want to know if it's real or just a passing fancy.

Don't leave this town until we've figured out

We Could All Do with a Little Less Stress

So, here is a list of nine stress relieving foods: sweet potatoes, spinach, dried apricots, avacados, oranges, salmon, turkey, green veggies, almonds and walnuts. So many bright colors--how could you be sad eating that (well, besides the poultry and fish)???

You Thought You Might be a Ghost

I need to get out of Springfield. I don't really care where I go; it just needs to happen--just for a few hours, a day, a weekend. I'm stuck in a rut and I need to mix it up a little bit or else I'm going to snap. I don't really know where this came from or for how long it has been building up, but about an hour ago I had an overwhelming urge to disappear.

You didn't get to heaven but you made it close

I need an adventure--something to shake up my routine.

An Incredible Leader Once Said

"So long as our relationship is defined by our differences, we will empower those who sow hatred rather than peace, and who promote conflict rather than the cooperation that can help all of our people achieve justice and prosperity."

Barack Obama
in a speech about improving Muslim and American relationships

168 Hours

Within the past seven days, I have

• spent time with my sister
• gone shopping
• eaten at the Rendezvous twice
• seen Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
• hung out with my family (they came to visit on Sunday)
• made curry from scratch
• watched True Blood
• worked 40 hours
• eaten delicious sushi
• created a new gnocchi dish
• come up with a fantastic summer project
• drank coffee like it's going out of style
• decided to buy an iPod Touch in the near future
• sold a copy of my book that I created for Capstone

It's been productive.

We're Regular Rachel Ray(s)

Maggie (my sister) is here, and we just ate a delicious meal!

Salad:

Combination of three different kinds of greens
Gorgonzola
Dried berries
Avacado

Pasta:

Linguine
Shrimp/mushroom/onion in a white wine sauce with fresh mozzerella.

Crusty French bread

It was sooooo delicious! And, obviously, we are master chefs.

Love or Something Ignites in my Veins

Here is an interesting/hilarious/inappropriate/awesome conversation from work:

A: That poor guy; it's a wonder that he can even find his way to work sometimes.
J: You know what he doesn't have a problem finding a home for...
A: Oh my gosh, I KNOW! He has nooo problems with that at all!
J: Yeah...it's kind of gross, actually.
A: He's going to have a problem being a doctor.

Bahaha!

* "A" is not me.


EDIT------------------------------------------------------------------

From this afternoon:

Today, for the first time, I saw the guy A and J were talking about.
He. Is. Hot.

EDIT-----------------------------------------------------------------

I just found out that he is actually a year younger* than I am. HAHAHAHA**

*This surprised me beyond belief (oh, and he looks like a total dumbass according to his fb profile).

**silent laughter because the roomies are in bed.

Things Have Changed for Me

and that's okay!

(I definitely used that line in my spiritual autobiography [which I may/may not post sometime]).

I just posted on a friend's Facebook wall, "Hey! Remember when we used to be friends?"--I was only semi-joking. Growing up is meeting new people. It is having new life experiences. Growing up is learning. I find it sad and exhilarating at the same time.

Pomp & Circumstance

• Jake just graduated! I'm so proud of him; he's going to do great things with his life!
• I saw my best friend for the first time since December!!! We made plans to move to Europe in June 2010. If you want to join us, feel free!
• Made tenative plans to have my sister visit next weekend. Woot!

It's so weird that Jake's going to college next fall. I feel so old.

Stella Loves Sitting in the Windows

Now that things have calmed down a little, maybe I can write something of substance.

Last week was jammed with packing, moving, cleaning, parents bringing furniture, and the obligatory "end of the semester" activities. Now, it's time to take a deep breath.

*deep breath*

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what has happened between May 2008 and May 2009 (I know. Normal people do this type of reflection around January 1--deal with it). I don't feel like I've changed that much...I've just experienced a lot! There have been beautiful and happy experiences along with the bleak and depressing ones. I think what is really provoking this thinking is that I have officially moved out of my family's house. Sure, I've been "out" for a long time now, but this is one of the biggest steps towards "adulthood" that I've taken since leaving for college (and yes, I realize that this is true for most people).

I've spent more time thinking about what I believe, what I don't believe. What I can do, and what I can't do. What I want from my life, and what I have realized that I can completely do without. I think for the first time, I am completely satisfied with the way things are going; I am completely happy with myself and who I am becoming.

There are still some issues that I need to resolve, but I know that I have the strength that is necessary. I'm not worried anymore about becoming bitter--it's all going to be fine! I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders!

All I Have to Say Is

a;lksdjf.,cmvowiejflkvm.fskfl;



There. That feels better.

I'm tired of pursuing something/someone that won't work out. It's not worth the time, energy, emotions. Bah.

Okay. Now, that really does feel better. G'Night! :)

My Ethernet Doesn't Work

Watching the storm come over the hill. Lightning fascinates and thrills me.

I love the new apartment so much. It's night number 2 for me, and I'm starting to get settled...ish (nevermind that I still have a lot of stuff at the Q).

and...

STELLA IS AN AMBITURNER!

My Castles Stand upon Pillars of Salt and Pillars of Sand

Today, I learned about the giant garbage patch that is in the Pacific Ocean. Basically, all of the plastic that people throw into the environment gets swept up in streams, rivers, and the ocean. Because of ocean currents, all of this trash gets trapped in specific areas--this particular one is between Hawaii and California. The amount of trash that has accumulated here is mind-blowing! Currently, it covers an area that is twice the size of Texas; in some places it is over 90 feet deep!

People need to start being more responsible. End of story. We need to stop being so wasteful, and we need to pick up after ourselves. Animals are dying because of our laziness. According to one study, whales have started contracting breast cancer (Yes. Breast cancer. In whales.), because they are taking in so much plastic when they feed. That's so sad!!

It's so frustrating to me that so many people do not recycle. Really. Why wouldn't you?!

Oh, and I found a song that completely and totally reminds me of Jean-Baptiste Clamance in The Fall (at least the Clamance in the middle of the book): "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay. Oh, how I love that song...

I didn't really want to be so down in this post...maybe it's the weather? I had a great day today with my lovely and wonderful mom (and the rest of my family). Now, I'm in the process of packing to move to our beautiful, new apartment!! Yay! Life really is good!

A Little Disconcerting

My 15 year-old sister and her boyfriend are celebrating their 8 month anniversary this week.
My 18 year-old brother and his girlfriend are celebrating their 7 month anniversary this month.

My longest relationship was about 3 months.

Is there something wrong with me? Bah. It's so weird!

Happiness is a Warm Gun

On MSN.com today, I read an article named Five Things Happy People Do. It was pretty interesting! Here is my take on the the five "secrets" of happy women.

1. They find their most golden self. This means having a happy, peaceful, and satisfied soul. One should strive towards excellence based on her unique strengths, talents, and potentials.
2. They design their lives to bring in joy. Recognizing what makes you happy is key to this step. Taking a short break from things that wear you down is so important! It requires a deliberate change on your part
3. They avoid "if only" fantasies. Stop focusing on the one negative aspect of your life. Instead, focus on the positive things. Keep your life exciting!
4. They put best friends first. According to studies, people find more pleasure in just hanging out with one or two best friends than in dashing around with acquaintences.
5. They allow themselves to be happy. It's okay to be happy. Happy people are more effective at helping others, so if you want to change the world, you first need to be happy with yourself.

The article was really interesting, and you should probably read it for yourself! Have a great day! Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Skip School and Go to the Lake! Have Fun!! Boom Boom Ya! *

These titles are ridiculous. Haha!

Things to do before the end of the semester:

• Intellectual/Spiritual Progression essay
• Digital Photo project
• Digital Photo essay (wtf?!)
• Typographer's chair
• Religion portfolio
• Business Foundations final

And then, I'm finished! Woot!

Drink Cook's Beer All Day Out of a Water Bottle*

It's May Day; it's 49 degrees outside and rainy.

It's ArtWalk; the PAC had the Capstone gallery opening today. Everybody did such a great job! You should totally go check it out if you didn't tonight.

It's 9:45 on a Friday night; I'm listening to Coldplay, playing with my cat, working on the mountain of homework, and have someone keeping me "aprised of any interesting developments" downtown. I'm pretty content right now though, because it's so gross outside. Although, there is a possibility of going to an 80's party downtown....

Every once in a while, he seems to want more...but then we go weeks without communicating.

This week was so weird. I'm still processing some interesting developments. I don't quite know what to do with some of the information.

Pour Your Daydreams in a Cup

While it's not as deep as some of the things that we've read in senior seminar, I am really enjoying Davita's Harp. It's such a great story, and it really does have some thought-provoking tidbits within its pages.

Here's one section that really struck me:

"...isn't what you call an illusion simply someone else's dream with which you disagree?...If faith in God is merely an illusion then why not faith in man too? Anne, are your dreams too not an illusion?"

Illusions as dreams of someone else that you disagree with...hmm....

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee*

*For the next two weeks, Justin wrote inspirational (sometimes not so much...haha) quotes on different days in my planner, so I'm going to use them for my titles.

I don't really have much to say tonight. Today was fine--Marie's presentation was GREAT!! I'm so proud of her! :)

At 3:00 AM, I was woken up by a thunderstorm! It was so fantastic! It had been waaaaay too long since the last storm. I stayed up and listened to it for about thirty minutes. I watched the lightening flash and the rain pour. I heard the thunder clap, the rain splash on the window, and the wind blow the trees. It was a beautiful thing.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

Here are some of the awesome times* from spring 2009 thus far:

Seeing pretty flowers!

Visiting So-Lo with Caitlin

(notice how perfectly everthing is faced)

Grabbing Marie and forcing her to go take pictures of C-Street with me.

We were standing on a corner, and then we saw cops.

Going out for Linz's Bday!
Happy 22!!!

Art Walk + really any of the times we've been Downtown.

It's so nice when the nights are warm!

Going on a picnic with my beautiful sister over spring break.

This is a loaf of the very tasty bread that she baked!

Caitlin visited!!

This was on the bridge over the train tracks, and it was so much fun!

There have been many other great things! These are just the few that I've documented. Thanks for all of the great times!

*I wish these were in chronological order, but this is the order the pictures uploaded.

You Say You Want a Revolution

I want to change the world.

I don't know how I'm going to do it, yet. I'll figure it out though, and it'll be fantastic. Sometimes I get so inspired to do something great with my life--I get so excited about the future and what I'm going to accomplish in my life. I hope that by the time I'm 90 years old, I'll have stories that will capture my great-grandchildrens' interest and inspire them to do great things as well.

I love John Mayer's song Waiting on the World to Change, but if you want something to happen, you have to actively try to fix it. You can't just sit back and wait for it to fix itself. I mean, I understand feeling small, insignificant, and as though nothing you do will make a difference. But, if you don't try, than it for sure won't help. Even if you don't know what to do, throw yourself into it, and you'll figure it out!

Into the Light of a Dark Black Night

Fly.

This Religion/Philosophy Senior Seminar class has given me soo much to think about, and now I have to formulate a "intellectual/spiritual autobiography" that is 12 pages long.

What do I say?

Before.

I held tightly to the Methodist faith for nineteen years, was an active leader in my church for 5-6 of those years, sang in the choir, played instruments, learned Bible stories, participated in youth group activities (hell, was the president of the youth group), acted as a liaison between the adult committees and the youth, blah, blah, blah.

Now.

I. Don't. Have. A. Clue.

Hahaha. I'm okay with not knowing. It gives me something to work towards.

It does make me think of a song by the Beatles:

Blackbird

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise


When I do figure it out, it's going to be amazing and wondrous.

But there are things that happen, between a man and a woman, in the dark, that sorta make everything else seem unimportant *

As of April 11, Stella is 5 months old!

Doesn't she look sweet?

She's enjoying Davita's Harp

It can be rather difficult to do homework when she's laying on it...


*A quote said by Stella in A Streecar Named Desire

Time (x2)

"Everything has a name, Ilana. And names are very important. Nothing exists unless it has a name. Can you think of something that doesn't have a name? And, darling, everything has a past. Everything--a person, an object, a word, everything. If you don't know the past, you can't understand the present and plan properly for the future."

Davita's Harp: pg 10

It all brings me back to Medieval Philosophy. Oh, the "whatness and the whiteness"...

Good Things About Today

Got to sleep until 8 am
Registered for my LAST SEMESTER of classes
Justin told me I looked pretty
Had a heart-to-heart with my brother's girlfriend
FOUND A BEAUTIFUL APARTMENT to live in with my girls
Felt completely appreciated at work
Had a lazy afternoon
It was absolutely beautiful and sunny and warm outside!!!
Spent some quality time with Stella-Bella
Had a relaxing evening
Going out for margaritas

It was a good day! :-D

Where Do We Fit in the Dimension of Time?

Where do we exist in the realm of time?

How does our past influence our future?

How much importance should we place on what has happened on the past, and how far into the future should we be looking? Would it be okay to simply live in the present? Is that even possible?

Everyone is so concerned with the future (finding jobs, relationships, money, etc.) that we cease to treasure and savor the now--the present.

Time past and time future
Allow but a little consciousness,
To be conscious is not to be in time

T.S. Eliot: Burnt Norton

Who Am I?

DIRECTIONS:

- Go to Google image search.

- Type in your answer to each question.

- Choose a picture from the first three pages.

- Use this website (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php) to make your collage.

- Save the image for use in this note

- Post

QUESTIONS:

1. What is your name?

2. What is your favorite food?

3. What is your hometown?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. What is your favorite movie?

6. What is your favorite drink?

7. What is your dream vacation?

8. What is your favorite dessert?

9. What is one word to describe yourself?

10. How are you feeling right now?

11. What do you love most in the world?

12. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Boy, Oh Boy!

We can't live with them; we can't live without them. We love to hate them; we hate to love them.

Yes, I'm talking about the opposite gender.

I keep hearing that all men are stupid and asses who can't be trusted at all. I know that I've said my share of this, too; I'm not innocent of this. However, I've also started feeling bad about this. There are some guys in my life who are truly fantastic.

First, I have my family members. My grandpa, Jake (Abe is still a kid, and as such is not included in this conversation), my cousins (Charlie, Bob, Tim, Brad), and my uncle are all such wonderful men, and I feel so lucky to have them in my life!

I have guy friends who truly care about me, and who I truly care about as well. There is a handful of these guys who I completely trust, and who I know would be there for me in a minute if I needed it.

It feels like I'm short-changing these guys when I speak so negatively about all boys. Don't get me wrong, there are several jerks out there, but you have to remember to not judge all of them. I'm so tired of hearing that there are no good ones out there. There most certainly are; you just have to look a little harder for them.

You might be saying that I really have no basis for this, because I haven't had my heart broken by a guy. Well, romantically, no, I have not. However, the man that is supposed to be there completely and who a girl should be able to trust fully has, in a way, broken me, and I think that I do have a little bit of basis for saying all of this because of that very fact.

I'm not ranting; I just want to bring this up, because it really has started bothering me. Please know I'm not trying to discount the hurt and anger that certain guys have caused my friends. Those guys have truly been assholes. I just want to stop lumping all of them into one category.

There are Very Few Things that I Will Never Forgive

I think I've finally figured out why The Fall bothered me so much. Don't get me wrong--it was an excellent book, and the portrayal of the human condition was fairly accurate (if not totally cynical).

The narrator of the story, Jean-Baptiste Clamence draws you in completely--describing his past life as though since then he has had a dramatic change in his attitude and actions. All along, I was thinking, "okay, he was a drunkard, a womanizer, and a complete asshole, but he's going to change; yay for him."

Wrong.

He manipulated me.

I can't handle it when I'm being manipulated. It's the one thing that I cannot get over. Luckily, only one person has truly succeeded in doing it--but he will probably never be forgiven for it.

Ugh.

Past, Present, Future

Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present

From: "Burnt Norton"
T.S. Eliot

It's a False Ideal

"Chicks before dicks" is such a lie. It's a great thing to shoot for, but it doesn't really work out.

To-Do List

Due Tuesday, April 7: Linear Projects Due (4 presentation boards)
Pet Carrier Project Due (1 presentation board)

Due Wednesday, April 8: Capstone Project has to be turned in to the printer

Due Thursday, April 9: Seamless Reality photography project

Due Tuesday, April 14: Stealth group project (2-3 billboards, 2 print
advertisements, webpage)

Thursday, April 16: Final Capstone Review

Due Monday, April 20: Proposal for Business

Wednesday, April 22: Turn Capstone Project in to Dudley

Due Thursday, April 23: Landscape photography project

TBA: Float, Sink, Fly project

TBA: Typographer's Chair project

It's in the Photograph of Love

The Magical Time of Day

You know that time of day, right before the sun has completely set, but the moon has risen to glow in the dark blue sky? It's magical.

During that time, everything is right with the world. You even see a star or two. The colors are rich and exciting; everything is silhouetted against a sky that is both on fire with oranges and calm like the sea with sapphires and navys. Nothing can go wrong when the sky is like that.


When the Day Met the Night

When the moon fell in love with the sun
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night

When the sun found the moon
She was drinking tea in a garden
Under the green umbrella trees
In the middle of summer

When the moon found the sun
He looked like he was barely hanging on
But her eyes saved his lifeIn the middle of summer
In the middle of summer

All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer, all was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer
Golden when the day met the night

So he said, "Would it be all right
If we just sat and talked for a little while
If in exchange for your time, I give you this smile?"

So she said, "That's okay
As long as you can make a promise not to break my little heart
Or leave me all alone in the summer."

Well, he was just hanging around
Then he fell in love
And he didn't know how
But he couldn't get out

Just hanging around
Then he fell in love
In the middle of summer
All was golden in the sky

All was golden when the day met the night
Summer, all was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer
When the moon fell in love with the sun,

All was golden in the sky,
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer
The middle of summer, summer, summer, summer
The middle of summer, summer, summer, summer
The middle of summer, summer, summer, summer

Apparently, Not Enough Time Had Past

Two posts in one day?? Crazy!

The sperm-donor called a couple of hours ago. I hadn't spoken to him since March 4 (his birthday). I had just realized that it had been a grand, long time since we had spoken, and I was really enjoying the peace.

*Shattering glass*

He called, because he was lonely. Maybe if he didn't fuck up every relationship in his life, he wouldn't be so lonely. He wants me to go to the ranch on weekends this summer; he wants to come visit me this weekend and take me out to dinner. Whatever. It's not going to happen--I'm not going to get sucked back into his grasp. It's taken almost 12 years for me to get to where I am now with him, and it's still not satisfactory for me. I'm sooo close to being able to be through with him.

During the conversation tonight, he made me feel sorry for him. That jerk. I don't want to feel sorry for him. I want to feel indifference, dammit.

Anyway, I had to get that out of my system. I'm okay--just really frustrated.

Laughing Llamas?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1dhoeKaOrQ

Every time I see this commercial, I think of a religion class (was it Middle Eastern Religions??), where we just drew pictures of "emo emus" and "apocalyptic alpacas."

Good memories. :)

I Want to Speak Italian Fluently

Vineyards in Hermann, MO

Vini. Vidi. Vino.

I came. I saw. I drank wine.

Ignorance is not Always Bliss

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa/03/17/cameroon.pope/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

It really, really bothers me when people can't step outside of their own perspectives to see what's going on in the world around them.

Enveloped in the Fog of Apathy

For my Religion Senior Seminar, I just finished reading The Fall, by Albert Camus. It is a beautiful, poignant story that is at the same time bitter and depressing.

Lately, I am so disappointed in humanity. We go about our lives with blinders on. We live petty, material lives that [with some exceptions] amount to very little. We chase false hopes and dreams with the idea that they will fulfill us, and it is all in vain. Our lives are mechanical and meaningless. And, although we would like to say that if we were given another chance to save the woman who jumped from the bridge, we would be hypocrites.* We would end up turning and walking away, just like before.

In class tonight we talked about what we could do to help people care more about finding Truth, about helping people be less apathetic towards life and the beauty that the world holds. None of us had any solutions. We think the growing apathy is a generational thing.

Now, all of that depressing stuff being said, I am writing a paper about how to live a more meaningful, spiritual life. It is going well, and I really need to take some time to figure out how to bring meaning and spirituality in my life. I'm kind of excited about it; I'm not gonna lie. :-)


*reference to The Fall

The Search for Inner Peace

Our capacity to make peace with another person and with the world depends very much on our capacity to make peace with ourselves.

Thich Nhat Hanh: Living Buddha, Living Christ

This rings so true with me at this point in my life...

Life is a Blank Canvas

This is the fourth time tonight that I've sat down to write something on here. There are so many things going through my head (nothing major, though) that it just seems easier to keep them there.

1. I've been working pretty steadily on the book. It's coming along great! So far, I have about 25% of it finished...which is good, but not great. It's okay; I plan to focus on it over spring break. Other things like a formal paper for senior seminar, a stock portfolio for business, photo projects, and creating presentation boards, billboards, paper advertisments, and website layouts for various projects in concepts are keeping me busy, too.
2. The way that you stare, starts a fire in me. Come up to my room, you sexy little thing. Let's play a game, I won't be a tease....I've been getting weird vibes lately.
3. I've been thinking about my spiritual life quite a lot. I don't really feel as though I'm lacking anything...I wish I had more time to spend figuring out exactly what I believe. I mean, I know the basics, but there are sooo many layers to figure out. From what little I know about it, I think I may have slight Existentialist leanings? Buddhism really speaks to me too, but at the same time, I don't know if I'm quite ready to cut all ties to Christianity. I don't really know what's holding me back...I mean, Jesus was a very inspirational man, but no more so than the Buddha or Muhammad (at least to me).
4. I'm getting tired of calling guys "fucking assholes," "douchebags," and the other various names that we use. Sure, there are some [I can specifically think of one right now that should truly be scared] that genuinely deserve those titles...but I think of the great guys in my life and I feel bad for generalizing them in with the few bad ones. I don't want all of the guys to think that I'm a complete bitch just because they've had a bad experience or two with one girl.
5. I'm excited for this weekend! Dancing on Thursday, concert on Friday and other various activities...woot! I love my girls so, so much, and I don't think I tell them this nearly enough.
6. Hmm...let's see, what else was there....? OH! The weather! What the hell?! Seriously, it was a lovely 65-70 degrees (albeit cloudy and starting to rain) when I went to the lab yesterday afternoon, and when I left three hours later, it was 43 degrees. I am so NOT okay with this. And there's a 30% chance for snow tomorrow. Seriously, MO.
7. I just want to say that I love my mom so very much. She's a spectacular woman, and I hope that I can be like her when I grow up. We have our disagreements and such, but she's always been so supportive of me--in all of my decision-making--and I know that not everyone has this. We have such an open relationship, and I'm thankful that I don't have to hide things from her, and I'm glad that when we talk on the phone, it's just like talking to one of my best friends.
8. I want to play the stock market. I don't have the time, especially with the fluctuations that are going on in the economy in present times. Sometime soon, when (if?) things settle down, I will give it a serious go.
9. I feel like I should have an even 10....
10. Have a good rest of your week!

Sunrise, Sunset, Swiftly Flow the Days

There's too many things that I haven't done yet

Too many sunsets

I haven't seen

You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down

You would've thought by now

I'd have learned something
I made up my mind when I was a young girl

I've been given this one world

I won't worry it away

Many the Miles: Sara Bareilles

I'm a Believer

I believe that

• creative freedom is a necessity for everyone
• music speaks to the heart
• Apple makes the best computers
• dreaming big is a necessity
• supporting local businesses over large corporations is good
• recycling will help make the world a better place
• helping the less fortunate is one of the most rewarding experiences one can have
• hot tea soothes the soul
• one person can change the world
• there is something bigger out there than all of us...some may call this "God"...I'm not sure
• sunshine and warmth drastically improve everyone's mood
• one has to find happiness within herself before she can be truly happy with any boy
• quiet nights in can be just as satisfying as loud nights out
• dancing is one of the best ways to relieve stress
• my family is made up of the most accepting, loving, and fun people ever
• my friends are going to do great things
• bright colors instantly boost my mood
• love and happiness will find their way to everyone in one form or another
• deep conversations at night are the best
• walking on a beautiful day/evening is glorious

Let's Go Frolic!

Ahhh! I can feel spring! Since my window was opened from last night, I woke up to sunshine, birds singing, and a fresh breeze. It's a beautiful thing!

I'm so glad it's Friday! This morning, I have a scavenger hunt for my business class. Then, I work for a couple of hours and have lunch with my girls. Then, it will be time for our Friday afternoon outing (it's always a highlight of the week for me)! After that, who knows what will happen!

Love you all!

Dream, Dream Away

Isn't it a little weird or disconcerting when you have a dream about someone who you haven't seen for a long time, and then you run into him the very next day?

Ha.

All Your Cities Lie in Dust

Usually, I don't really spend much time worring about the economy. I mean, yeah, it's in terrible shape, but there's not much that I personally can do about it except to spend responsibility. My stocks are not worth nearly as much as they were this time last year, but I'm not going to panic and cash them in either. I realize it's going to be harder to find an internship, job and to pay for things, but really that's the extent to what I think about. I rarely think about what exactly got us into this mess...besides the usual, "Bush is a dumbass."

Today in Business, we discussed AIG who has lost the $150 BILLION that was given to them to help them out of this slump; they're probably going to lose the next $50 BILLION we give them, too Then we focused on GM. Oh. My. Gosh. What idiots. Seriously. They lost a measly $31 BILLION compared to AIG, but let's put that in perspective. Losing $31 B is the same thing as burning a $1000.00 bill every minute for an entire year. It's ridiculous.

And here is the reasoning behind the downfall is that GM cannot compete with foreign made vehicles. Duh. Before GM even starts building a car, it has already put $25oo.00 into it because of some very faulty programs that they insist on holding onto.

Firstly, they pay almost all of their employees' (including families of the employees and retirees) insurance. The employee does not have to pay any premium. When there are over 130,000 people getting this, it amounts to about $1000.00 from each car.

Secondly, if a plant closes, the employees who worked at that plant continue to receive full pay and benefits as long as they are volunteering or going to school (which GM will pay for). That doesn't provide ANY incentive for the person to go find a job.

Both of these practices are great--in theory. I love that GM has so much respect for their employees and that they are truly concerned with bettering society. However, these actions have caused them to lose so much money that instead of bolstering middle-class America, it's going to bring it toppling down.

It's just so frustrating.

PS. The Dow dropped 300 points today and is below 7000 for the first time in 12 years.

Could Someone Plug Me Back In?

I feel disconnected, like something is missing. I don't know what it is or why I feel it, but something is definitely off. It's not just the loneliness that I've been feeling the past few weeks, and it's not stress...it's...weird.

I've also been mulling over something that was said to me a few days ago. I think I'm letting it bother me more than it should...

"In Our Bedroom After the War" is probably the album that tells the best story

I wish I had this one for my digital photo project.

A Cemetery Where I Marry the Sea

Today has been relatively productive:

• Started my presentation board for the pet carrier
• Got 4/5 photos retouched and restored
• Decided on the quotes for my book
• Found pictures to put in the book

There is something decidedly awkward about my class; I wish I knew how to fix it. It would be so much more fun, and I would learn so much more if there wasn't this weirdness...I'm not the only one who feels it.

Quick trip home tomorrow. Stella needs some vaccinations and I need to get my license plates renewed...we'll see if that actually happens. If not, I'm not sure what I'll do...Saturday, I'm going to the Vagina Monlogues!

Today was most definitely a Red Hot Chili Peppers day. There's no way to dispute that.

I love having evenings at home with my girls so so much!

I Want to Bitch. Instead, I'll Show my Art

Here are the photos from my second digital photography project. The assignment was Abstract, and we had to have two that were not manipulated and three that were visibly digitally altered.
Enjoy!

What I DID Learn

Yesterday morning, I participated in a SIFE Ethics Scavenger Hunt (insert manaical laughter here about doing something with SIFE). Despite the fact that I had to wake up at 7:30 on a Saturday morning and there was snow on the ground, it wasn't altogether terrible...and I did learn something--well, actually solidified something that I already knew.

The Ethics Scavenger Hunt consisted of going to five different businesses around town. Each business offered an scenario that either previously dealt with or they were actually needing ideas for what to do. The scenarios ranged from dealing with disgruntled employees to "green" marketing strategies to dealing with constitutional rights.

I remembered throughout all of this exactly how much I loathe corporate procedure and protocol. I hate it with a passion. I cringe when I think about working in an environment that requires me to go through the corporate ladder when I have an issue or problem. I shudder when I think about having to do something that I don't feel is particularly moral just because protocol tells me I have to.

So, I have come to an important decision. I must own my own business. I'm not sure what kind...maybe a boutique design agency or a hip coffee shop...? I don't know, but I am going to have to be my own boss.

PS. I also got this great book for participating! hahahahahaha
PPS. I told Russell he could get me one of these to repay me for being on his team for the SIFE event. He laughed.

The Earth's Eye

A lake is the landscape's most beautiful and expressive feature. It is earth's eye; looking into which the beholder measures the depth of his own nature. The fluviatile trees next the shore are the slender eyelashes which fringe it, and the wooded hills and cliffs around are is overhanging brows.

--Henry David Thoreau: Walden; Or, Life in the Woods (121)

What Birds are Really Saying

"They are the spirits, the low spirits and melancholy forebodings, of fallen souls that once in human shape night-walked the earth and did the deeds of darkness, now expiating their sins with their wailing hymns or threnodies in the scenery of their transgressions."

--Henry David Thoreau, Walden; or, Life in the Woods (81)

Stella and the Q-Ts

That would be a terrific band name (why have we not started girl band?)! Here is Stella who we have had for 4 days, and she has already completely weasled her way into our hearts. She will be three months old tomorrow!

Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture

Here are the pictures from my first digital photography project. Two had to be obviously digitally manipulated and three could not be obviously manipulated. The assignment was self-portraiture. Enjoy!

Goals and Drinks

I want to do something spectacular with my life. I have no idea what it's going to be or how I'm going to accomplish this goal.

Of course, I want all of the traditional things like a career that I love, a family, a nice house/car/things, to travel the world, etc. I feel something tugging at me though, and I can't quite put my finger on it.

Hmm...

In other news, my aunt wrote on my fb wall last night:

Hey this might be your cutest pic ever. :) Except maybe one I have of you when you're two and you have the big Shirley Temple glass w/your name on it...should I keep typing? :) Or maybe I'll just go look for the pic to send you.

At the time, I had just finished a tasty rum/cranberry juice/7up mixture and was feeling the buzz.

...at least that drink was pink-ish too...hehe

With the stars up above in your eyes

My Moon Profile:

On the day you were born, the Moon was in Sagittarius. The urge to roam and to explore the world is a strong emotional need of yours, and unless it is fulfilled, you will be very unsatisfied. You have a very gregarious, fiery Moon, and your emotions are not tepid or wishy-washy by any means. You love to show your feelings, and you are not shy about advertising how you feel about anything, be it politics, religion, philosophy, or sports.

I don't really put much stock into these things, but they are kind of interesting to read.