It's in the Photograph of Love

The Magical Time of Day

You know that time of day, right before the sun has completely set, but the moon has risen to glow in the dark blue sky? It's magical.

During that time, everything is right with the world. You even see a star or two. The colors are rich and exciting; everything is silhouetted against a sky that is both on fire with oranges and calm like the sea with sapphires and navys. Nothing can go wrong when the sky is like that.


When the Day Met the Night

When the moon fell in love with the sun
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night

When the sun found the moon
She was drinking tea in a garden
Under the green umbrella trees
In the middle of summer

When the moon found the sun
He looked like he was barely hanging on
But her eyes saved his lifeIn the middle of summer
In the middle of summer

All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer, all was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer
Golden when the day met the night

So he said, "Would it be all right
If we just sat and talked for a little while
If in exchange for your time, I give you this smile?"

So she said, "That's okay
As long as you can make a promise not to break my little heart
Or leave me all alone in the summer."

Well, he was just hanging around
Then he fell in love
And he didn't know how
But he couldn't get out

Just hanging around
Then he fell in love
In the middle of summer
All was golden in the sky

All was golden when the day met the night
Summer, all was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer
When the moon fell in love with the sun,

All was golden in the sky,
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer
The middle of summer, summer, summer, summer
The middle of summer, summer, summer, summer
The middle of summer, summer, summer, summer

Apparently, Not Enough Time Had Past

Two posts in one day?? Crazy!

The sperm-donor called a couple of hours ago. I hadn't spoken to him since March 4 (his birthday). I had just realized that it had been a grand, long time since we had spoken, and I was really enjoying the peace.

*Shattering glass*

He called, because he was lonely. Maybe if he didn't fuck up every relationship in his life, he wouldn't be so lonely. He wants me to go to the ranch on weekends this summer; he wants to come visit me this weekend and take me out to dinner. Whatever. It's not going to happen--I'm not going to get sucked back into his grasp. It's taken almost 12 years for me to get to where I am now with him, and it's still not satisfactory for me. I'm sooo close to being able to be through with him.

During the conversation tonight, he made me feel sorry for him. That jerk. I don't want to feel sorry for him. I want to feel indifference, dammit.

Anyway, I had to get that out of my system. I'm okay--just really frustrated.

Laughing Llamas?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1dhoeKaOrQ

Every time I see this commercial, I think of a religion class (was it Middle Eastern Religions??), where we just drew pictures of "emo emus" and "apocalyptic alpacas."

Good memories. :)

I Want to Speak Italian Fluently

Vineyards in Hermann, MO

Vini. Vidi. Vino.

I came. I saw. I drank wine.

Ignorance is not Always Bliss

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa/03/17/cameroon.pope/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

It really, really bothers me when people can't step outside of their own perspectives to see what's going on in the world around them.

Enveloped in the Fog of Apathy

For my Religion Senior Seminar, I just finished reading The Fall, by Albert Camus. It is a beautiful, poignant story that is at the same time bitter and depressing.

Lately, I am so disappointed in humanity. We go about our lives with blinders on. We live petty, material lives that [with some exceptions] amount to very little. We chase false hopes and dreams with the idea that they will fulfill us, and it is all in vain. Our lives are mechanical and meaningless. And, although we would like to say that if we were given another chance to save the woman who jumped from the bridge, we would be hypocrites.* We would end up turning and walking away, just like before.

In class tonight we talked about what we could do to help people care more about finding Truth, about helping people be less apathetic towards life and the beauty that the world holds. None of us had any solutions. We think the growing apathy is a generational thing.

Now, all of that depressing stuff being said, I am writing a paper about how to live a more meaningful, spiritual life. It is going well, and I really need to take some time to figure out how to bring meaning and spirituality in my life. I'm kind of excited about it; I'm not gonna lie. :-)


*reference to The Fall

The Search for Inner Peace

Our capacity to make peace with another person and with the world depends very much on our capacity to make peace with ourselves.

Thich Nhat Hanh: Living Buddha, Living Christ

This rings so true with me at this point in my life...

Life is a Blank Canvas

This is the fourth time tonight that I've sat down to write something on here. There are so many things going through my head (nothing major, though) that it just seems easier to keep them there.

1. I've been working pretty steadily on the book. It's coming along great! So far, I have about 25% of it finished...which is good, but not great. It's okay; I plan to focus on it over spring break. Other things like a formal paper for senior seminar, a stock portfolio for business, photo projects, and creating presentation boards, billboards, paper advertisments, and website layouts for various projects in concepts are keeping me busy, too.
2. The way that you stare, starts a fire in me. Come up to my room, you sexy little thing. Let's play a game, I won't be a tease....I've been getting weird vibes lately.
3. I've been thinking about my spiritual life quite a lot. I don't really feel as though I'm lacking anything...I wish I had more time to spend figuring out exactly what I believe. I mean, I know the basics, but there are sooo many layers to figure out. From what little I know about it, I think I may have slight Existentialist leanings? Buddhism really speaks to me too, but at the same time, I don't know if I'm quite ready to cut all ties to Christianity. I don't really know what's holding me back...I mean, Jesus was a very inspirational man, but no more so than the Buddha or Muhammad (at least to me).
4. I'm getting tired of calling guys "fucking assholes," "douchebags," and the other various names that we use. Sure, there are some [I can specifically think of one right now that should truly be scared] that genuinely deserve those titles...but I think of the great guys in my life and I feel bad for generalizing them in with the few bad ones. I don't want all of the guys to think that I'm a complete bitch just because they've had a bad experience or two with one girl.
5. I'm excited for this weekend! Dancing on Thursday, concert on Friday and other various activities...woot! I love my girls so, so much, and I don't think I tell them this nearly enough.
6. Hmm...let's see, what else was there....? OH! The weather! What the hell?! Seriously, it was a lovely 65-70 degrees (albeit cloudy and starting to rain) when I went to the lab yesterday afternoon, and when I left three hours later, it was 43 degrees. I am so NOT okay with this. And there's a 30% chance for snow tomorrow. Seriously, MO.
7. I just want to say that I love my mom so very much. She's a spectacular woman, and I hope that I can be like her when I grow up. We have our disagreements and such, but she's always been so supportive of me--in all of my decision-making--and I know that not everyone has this. We have such an open relationship, and I'm thankful that I don't have to hide things from her, and I'm glad that when we talk on the phone, it's just like talking to one of my best friends.
8. I want to play the stock market. I don't have the time, especially with the fluctuations that are going on in the economy in present times. Sometime soon, when (if?) things settle down, I will give it a serious go.
9. I feel like I should have an even 10....
10. Have a good rest of your week!

Sunrise, Sunset, Swiftly Flow the Days

There's too many things that I haven't done yet

Too many sunsets

I haven't seen

You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down

You would've thought by now

I'd have learned something
I made up my mind when I was a young girl

I've been given this one world

I won't worry it away

Many the Miles: Sara Bareilles

I'm a Believer

I believe that

• creative freedom is a necessity for everyone
• music speaks to the heart
• Apple makes the best computers
• dreaming big is a necessity
• supporting local businesses over large corporations is good
• recycling will help make the world a better place
• helping the less fortunate is one of the most rewarding experiences one can have
• hot tea soothes the soul
• one person can change the world
• there is something bigger out there than all of us...some may call this "God"...I'm not sure
• sunshine and warmth drastically improve everyone's mood
• one has to find happiness within herself before she can be truly happy with any boy
• quiet nights in can be just as satisfying as loud nights out
• dancing is one of the best ways to relieve stress
• my family is made up of the most accepting, loving, and fun people ever
• my friends are going to do great things
• bright colors instantly boost my mood
• love and happiness will find their way to everyone in one form or another
• deep conversations at night are the best
• walking on a beautiful day/evening is glorious

Let's Go Frolic!

Ahhh! I can feel spring! Since my window was opened from last night, I woke up to sunshine, birds singing, and a fresh breeze. It's a beautiful thing!

I'm so glad it's Friday! This morning, I have a scavenger hunt for my business class. Then, I work for a couple of hours and have lunch with my girls. Then, it will be time for our Friday afternoon outing (it's always a highlight of the week for me)! After that, who knows what will happen!

Love you all!

Dream, Dream Away

Isn't it a little weird or disconcerting when you have a dream about someone who you haven't seen for a long time, and then you run into him the very next day?

Ha.

All Your Cities Lie in Dust

Usually, I don't really spend much time worring about the economy. I mean, yeah, it's in terrible shape, but there's not much that I personally can do about it except to spend responsibility. My stocks are not worth nearly as much as they were this time last year, but I'm not going to panic and cash them in either. I realize it's going to be harder to find an internship, job and to pay for things, but really that's the extent to what I think about. I rarely think about what exactly got us into this mess...besides the usual, "Bush is a dumbass."

Today in Business, we discussed AIG who has lost the $150 BILLION that was given to them to help them out of this slump; they're probably going to lose the next $50 BILLION we give them, too Then we focused on GM. Oh. My. Gosh. What idiots. Seriously. They lost a measly $31 BILLION compared to AIG, but let's put that in perspective. Losing $31 B is the same thing as burning a $1000.00 bill every minute for an entire year. It's ridiculous.

And here is the reasoning behind the downfall is that GM cannot compete with foreign made vehicles. Duh. Before GM even starts building a car, it has already put $25oo.00 into it because of some very faulty programs that they insist on holding onto.

Firstly, they pay almost all of their employees' (including families of the employees and retirees) insurance. The employee does not have to pay any premium. When there are over 130,000 people getting this, it amounts to about $1000.00 from each car.

Secondly, if a plant closes, the employees who worked at that plant continue to receive full pay and benefits as long as they are volunteering or going to school (which GM will pay for). That doesn't provide ANY incentive for the person to go find a job.

Both of these practices are great--in theory. I love that GM has so much respect for their employees and that they are truly concerned with bettering society. However, these actions have caused them to lose so much money that instead of bolstering middle-class America, it's going to bring it toppling down.

It's just so frustrating.

PS. The Dow dropped 300 points today and is below 7000 for the first time in 12 years.

Could Someone Plug Me Back In?

I feel disconnected, like something is missing. I don't know what it is or why I feel it, but something is definitely off. It's not just the loneliness that I've been feeling the past few weeks, and it's not stress...it's...weird.

I've also been mulling over something that was said to me a few days ago. I think I'm letting it bother me more than it should...